


Memories

by OrdainedCrownie



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 11:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6283414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrdainedCrownie/pseuds/OrdainedCrownie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things can happen way too fast, sometimes faster than we realise and we make mistakes before we can even catch ourselves. Thus brings memories to the forefront of our previous mistakes to remind us of what could go wrong when we act without thinking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memories

_Let me check for traps…_

That was all Percy remembered hearing before his fingers touched the armor and he felt a blast of energy force him to pull back but it’s too late for him to even warn Vex. He turned in time to see her body hit the ground her eyes open, lifeless and the realisation hits him that he’s just killed her through his own negligence and selfishness.

He rushed over lifting Vex’s head a little just as Zahra hurried over as she rushed to pour a healing potion into Vex’s mouth. They both waited for a moment but she remained cold and limp, devoid of life in his hands. Grog helped Vax out of the hole before the rest of the group rushed over to Vex’s prone body. 

“What? What happened?” Percy couldn’t even bring himself to say anything before he was pushed out of the way by Vax. Percy watched helplessly as the group began to bicker between each other, frantically trying to work out what to do and it’s only when Kash yelled out that the group fell silent.

  
“I can save her, but what comes might be worse than dragons, worse than anything.”

Percy began to feel cold and sweaty, memories flooding back of seeing the bodies of his family members murdered by the Briarwoods and their followers. Remembering clawing through the bramble with Cassandra barely holding his hand as they ran, fleeing from the Briarwoods men. He remembered hearing Cassandra’s brief cry of pain but he had not turned his head, determined he was going to escape the Briarwood’s grasp at any cost. The guilt of thinking he had lost Cassandra due to his own selfish self-preservation, now culminated with the fact he now caused the same to Vex came bubbling to the surface.

  
“Do it!” Vax had demanded which broke Percy out of his thoughts and found himself unable to keep his eyes off Vax’s cold, unmoving features as he held onto his sister tightly even as Kash eventually coaxed him back so he could begin the ritual. Percy rung his hands together in worry as Kash pulled out the diamonds, watching intently as he concentrated and the magic correlated around the diamonds before it shattered into pieces, the magic now seeping into Vex’s lifeless body.

Percy began frantically searching his bag for the shards, his hands shaking as he carefully placed them where the diamonds had been, almost terrified to touch Vex as he did so. He pulled back waiting, wringing his hands as he watched the magic wrap around the shards before they vibrated and shattered but the magic remained and his heart sunk like a stone. He briefly glanced at Kash, who only stared back at him impassively but they both knew that this ritual was not going well.

Zahra is next to try, removing her moonstone from her staff and placed it near the shard ritual and the glow intermingled with the dark magic creating a dark mist around Vex, the magic seeping into Vex’s body once more. Vax is the last to try, pulling his sister body in close to him, not wavering even as her cold lifeless eyes stared at the rocky ceiling. He glances up at the black mist, tears streaming down his face but he lips fixed with snarl.

“Take me instead, you Raven bitch!” 

Percy watched as the black mist forming above Vex’s body, shifted to face Vax and regarded him for a moment reaching out for him before it nodded and the magic shifted to seep into Vax’s body instead. Moments pass as they all wait before the black spectre nods again at Vax before it fizzles into itself vanshing in an instant and a deep intake of breath causes the group to jump as it interrupted the silence.

“What happened?” 

Percy’s whole world suddenly tipped sideways as he stumbled onto his hands and knees, breathing heavily as if he had been the one on deaths door. He felt sick to his entire core of his body, his body shaking uncontrollably as relief swept over him as the group now consoled Vex as she tried to catch up.

Vax rushed past him out of the room hiding his face as he did so, even as Vex tried to ascertain what was happening.

“Wait…Percy did you set off a trap? Is that how I died?” Vex’s voice filled Percy’s ears and he lifted his head though it felt like it weighed a tonne.

“Yes.” He could barely bring himself to look at her in the eyes and even as he tried he avoided her gaze, feeling the bile filling his mouth.

“Oh..well who brought me back?”

“Kash…”

“Your brother..”

“And Zahra.”

“Oh…”

Percy then felt the world crash down on him and he forced himself to look away staring intently at the cold stone floor, his nails scratching against the stonework hoping to relieve him of the sickening gut feeling that he had caused her death. Everything then became a blurr as they cautiously collected the armor into the bag of holding and began their way to the surface in silence.

Percy was almost grateful when Zahra pulled Vex aside for a moment and Percy moved to sit by a tree by himself to let out a cry of anguish. He hadn’t been able to glance at either of the twins and Vax had been giving him deathstares since they had left the temple.

Percy forced himself to smile as they began to travel back to Whitestone through Keyleth’s transportation spell as Kima laughed with delight, bounding through at the prospect of finding a nice comfortable bed. A cold wet breeze greeted them as they walked through several inches of snow into the courtyard near the Sun Tree which was glittered in ice crystals.

Keyleth was the last to pop through the portal with it closing behind her and she rested her hand briefly on the tree to what Percy could only assume silently communicating with it. He paused, waiting for her to catch up as she wrapped an arm around his back, leaning her head his shoulders.

He could feel all the emotion boiling up so he returned the gesture holding her tightly for it was all he could manage without bursting out.

“Percy?” He glanced over to Keyleth her full of worry and he realised tears had began slipping down his face.

“It’s nothing…” he muttered but Keyleth reached up to brush the tears away, pulling them to a stop even as the group drifted away to the castle.

“Percy… I want you to know that I’m not scared of you… I worry for you…we all do. What happened back there is just as much as her fault as it is yours. Don’t let it change you, Percy. You are stronger than you realise, you are no longer the old Percy who was controlled by a shadow demon.”

“Am I though? Sometimes I worry that maybe I haven’t changed…maybe I’m still the same Percy who dreamt about killing the Briarwoods. The same selfish Percy who naively thought he could save his family by creating a gun from a dream. The same selfish Percy who grabbed the armor without a second thought about what might happen.

"We’re not perfect, we have our flaws and we learn from them.”

“Thank you Keyleth. I appreciate your wisdom.” Keyleth wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Have you spoken to Vex?”

“No and I imagine Vax won’t allow me to. I mean he has a very good reason seeing as I got his twin sister killed through my own negligence.” Percy laughed awkwardly now, rubbing his face with his hands as Keyleth pulled back to wrap an arm around his, gently guiding him to walk towards the castle.

“Speak to her, Percy. It’ll only make it worse if you don’t.” Keyleth murmured as they neared the castle doors with Cassandra waiting in the wings for her brother to approach. Keyleth released herself from his arms briefly comforting him before she pushed inside the castle as Cassandra now approached Percy cautiously knowing something wasn’t right.

“Cass…” Cassandra in an instant hugged him in a fierce tight embrace and Percy held her tightly, the swell of emotions overcoming him in his baby sisters presence. Cassandra held him even as she felt her robes become wet with his tears as he sobbed on her shoulder. Having his sister in his arms made him realise how much he had missed her, as his only sibling and how desperate he was now to keep her safer than ever, even if she disagreed. 

Cassandra eventually managed to guide Percy inside to a private room of the castle and gently prodded him about what had transpired. Cassandra nodded and gasped as he explained the events of what had brought them back to Whitestone but as he approached the recent event of the temple he went quiet before he admitted his guilt about causing Vex’s death.

Cassandra moved beside him again when he broke down, not with tears this time but anger at his own actions. It took a few minutes of Cassandra’s coaxing to sheath his gun back into it’s holster as he murmured in annoyance to himself.

“Have you spoken to her yet?” Percy only shook his head, running his hands through his silvery hair feeling it slick with mud, gore and snow.

“Go wash up and rest, talk to her later alright?” 

Percy nodded, allowing Cassandra to guide him to the stairs before they parted ways to their respective rooms. Instead of going to the room he had called his five years ago, he relocated to the rooms where the rest of Vox Machina moved into. They were separate from the refugees, probably slightly nicer than the guest rooms which the refugees currently resided in but it had the basic needs. Percy went off to the communal bathroom, taking a long needed wash before he returned to the rooms.

As he neared his own he noted Vax posted or slumped against the door to one of the rooms which Percy could only assume was where Vex now slept. Vax opened his eyes when he heard Percy approach his own room before he dusted himself off and moved towards Percy.

“You and I need to talk…” Vax snarled at him, his hands clenched at his side barely restraining his anger.

“Vax I’m so sorry-” Percy didn’t have a chance to react before Vax had pinned him to the wall, his blade only inches from his throat.

“You stay away from her. You do not come anywhere near her, have I made myself clear?”

“Vax!” Vex’s voice now traveled from behind him and Vax suddenly backed away from Percy sheathing his daggers. Vex stood looking like a murderous carriage wreck with her hair standing up on all ends in a modest nightie she had been given to sleep in.

“What the fuck is going on?” Percy had to hide a smile at her vulgarity, it did seem to seep in when she was in a foul mood.  
“It’s nothing…” Vax said glaring at Percy before he stalked off to his own room and slamming the door behind him.

“Oh for the love of-” Exasperated at her brother’s stubbornness to talk to her she threw her hands up in frustration, before she noticed Percy turning to enter his own room.

“Percy?” He turned at her voice but avoided her gaze still as he hadn’t brought up the courage to face her yet.

“Darling?” Percy now noticed her small feminine foot-steps move towards him and he forced himself to hold her gaze even if it was painful to do so. Memories flooded in remembering the once honey brown eyes cold and colourless staring back at him and he felt himself shiver until Vex laid a hand on his arm. He nearly jerked back away from her but allowed her to comfort him briefly before pulling away.

“We need to talk..privately.” Vex clasped his hand and Percy numbly allowed her to steer him to a balcony which overlooked the snowy mountain range.

“Brrr…” Vex rubbed her arms to create some warmth in the cold icy weather. Percy being used to the cold, longed to reach out and comfort her but memories of the event were still raw.

“Vex…. I am so sorry..I don’t even know how to express how sorry I am for causing this to happen. It was my fault I should’ve listened to you-” A finger on his mouth quieted his rambling as he realised Vex had moved a lot closer than he had anticipated.

“Percival Fredrickstien Von Musel Klossowski de Role the Third do not beat yourself about this please, this is just as much as my fault as it is yours.”  
“Ouch…that certainly makes me feel better.” Vex laughed, pulling back to grab his arms and look at him intently.

“I’ve seen you face death in the face and say no, not today.”

“Well, now you have as well so I guess we have something in common there.” She chuckled now wrapping her arms around his torso.

“Yeah… I guess we do. I should be angry at you, y'know?”

“And I quite rightly deserve it.”

“Buuuuut you can always make it up to me.”

“Mmmmm? How’s that?”

“You can make some of those wonderful arrows that you so deftly craft for little me.” she ran her finger up his chest, her tongue between her teeth and kissed him gently on the cheek.

“I can certainly arrange for that. I do believe I owe you that much if not so much more.” he chuckled, moving to brush her hair back behind her ear before he pulled her in again in a fierce hug, afraid to ever let her go.


	2. Memories Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes we beat ourselves up about our mistakes trying to rationalise them or imagine different scenarios that could've prevented them. In the end we have to own our mistakes and claim them as our own, making sure we always learn from them.

Eventually Vex grew sleepy and was shivering against Percy and even he was beginning to feel the bite of the cold of the snow falling gently on them.  They quietly retreated to their respective rooms as Percy settled into his own room still too restless and scared to sleep.  
  
He sat in a chair in the corner of his makeshift room, staring at Bad News and Diplomacy, which he had placed on the bedside table. His gaze then moved to his hands as they suddenly shook remembering the exact moment they had touched the armour. Percy clenched his hands together, trying to control the shaking but he could feel the rest of him shaking.  
  
He wrapped his arms around himself, turning in the chair slightly to get comfortable and closed his eyes trying to shut out the nightmares but they crept in. The memory of Orthax whispering in his mind, the feeling of the smoke billowing around him, the feeling of wanting to kill fueled his anger of nearly losing Vex to his own actions wrapped around him like a tight leash pulling him up from the chair and towards his guns.  
  
His hands wrapped around Bad News and he was surprised to feel how heavy it felt and as his other hand wrapped around Diplomacy he noticed the subtle difference of their weight. Suddenly smoke billowed around his arms like a tight film clinging as it rolled almost snake like down his wrist to the tips of his fingers which were near the trigger.  
  
_Remember….Percival…remember the pain…._  
  
Percy felt the memory of losing his family wash over him again and he instinctively dropped the guns back down.  
  
“NO! Not again!” he yelled, backing away towards the door when his feet hit something solid behind him. Turning he now found himself in the tomb again, Vex’s lifeless body at his feet, her eyes colourless as they slowly glanced over at him, her ashen white face a stark contrast against her clothing. Her lips moved but no sound traveled out but he instead heard it inside his mind.  
  
_Check for traps… Percival… why didn’t you…_ her voice rasped, her body now beginning to rise off the ground and levitate just above the ground. He instinctively stepped backwards from the shock of seeing her even as she reached out to him with a pale white grey hand.  
  
_Percival…_  
  
Percy woke up startled breathing heavily, feeling cold sweat beads on his forehead and he found sunlight beaming into his room, his fingers aching as he realised he had gripped onto the chair through the entire night. He gingerly got up from the chair even as his own body protested from not only sleeping in a not so comfortable position but also from the battle the previous day. Stretching, he found that he was going to need another shower to freshen up and not look like death warmed up.  
  
**  
  
Dressed and looking less like death warmed up Percy made his way down to where he could hear talking in the main dining hall. He met up with Keyleth who was also making her own way down the stairs and she briefly laid her hand on his arm just before the door to the dining room.  
  
“Percy? Are you alright?”  
  
Percy only nodded before he made his way into the dining room and his eyes almost automatically caught the two raven-haired twins deep in conversation at the head of the table while the rest of the group rambunctiously carried on eating breakfast. Without realising he had caught Vex’s eye who smiled brightly patting the seat next to her but then noticed her brother’s dark look of disapproval and paused for a moment as Vax suddenly got up from the chair ignoring his sisters calls to sit down. Keyleth sensing something was going to happen swallowed her fear of confrontation and moved to intercept him but he gently shrugged her attempt to stop him as he now stood face to face with Percy.  
  
“We need to talk.” Was all Vax said before he grabbed Percy by the arm and began dragging him out of the room to the courtyard before pushing the human away from him causing Percy to stumble slightly as he caught his footing. The cold rush of air caught them both but that was the least of Percy’s problem right now as Vax now twirled a dagger in his hand, agonising over his next words.  
  
“I know you hate me for causing what happened in the tomb and you have every right to be angry at me as well. I don’t know what I can do to make it up to you except say-“ Percy had began reciting before he was pushed against the wall, the dagger just beside his face as Vax fought internally with himself.  
  
“Do you remember our conversation the other night?” Vax managed eventually now glaring at Percy.  
  
_I apologise for any mistakes I have made in the past and any that I may make in the future._  
  
“Yes…” Percy trailed glancing down at the floor, the guilt creeping up again from the memory swimming to the forefront of his mind.  
  
‘You’re quite right, I am fucking furious with you. I’m furious that after all the berating of wandering off without the group and not checking for traps that this happened without my knowledge. I’m furious that she ran back out of my sight to check on the armour because of her fucking greed even after I warned her to stay. I’m furious that this whole thing happened and I couldn’t control any of it, I couldn’t even protect my baby sister from herself. I’ve been so caught up worrying what could kill her that I didn’t conceive her own greed could get her killed instead.” The dagger slacked and clattered to the cobbled ground as Vax now rolled to lean against the wall beside him before he whistled and the dagger returned to his belt.  
  
“I can’t fault you for this, Percy. I’m sure you’re beating yourself up about it just as much I am I guess.”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“Look what I mean to say… is that I forgive you. But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook though.”  
  
“I imagine so… I don’t think your sister will let me forget it to be honest.”  
  
“No… I imagine she won’t.” Vax now laughed causing Percy to breath a little easier.  
  
“We’d better make our way inside…though let this be a warning Percy.” Vax pointed at him before clapping the human on the back leading them both back to the door.  
  
“I will take it into consider-“ Percy found himself cut off again when Vax suddenly pushed him backwards as Vax sidestepped something heavy and silver slamming in to the ground.  
  
_**CRACK!**_ The stonework near the dear cracked beneath the weight of what had hit it.  
  
“GROG!” Vax dusted himself off before shouting at the Goliath who was looking quite frustrated that he hadn’t managed to hit the half-elf.  
  
“What? I wanted some target practice!” the Goliath boomed back with laughter, pulling the moon-hammer back to hold it above his head again, aiming once again at Vax.  
  
“Grog! You break anything and your uncle is the last thing you will have to worry about!” Vex’s voice called out even as the Goliath went to swing at Vax again but luckily caught himself mid-swing now looking slightly worried.  
  
“Aww…so I don’t get to smash their heads in then?”  
  
“NO!” came the chorus of voices from all around him followed by roaring of laughter as Vax clapped the Goliath on the arm before darting off with Percy following suit with a disgruntled Goliath in tow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a very alternate ending to the confrontation scene but this worked out better :P

**Author's Note:**

> Y'know Episode 45 really worked out well with this funnily enough...damn cast :P


End file.
